So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
