I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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