I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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