Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
