I skipped work to stalk him.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
