Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
