How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
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its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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