Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
