i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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