He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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