I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
