He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I skipped work to stalk him.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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