i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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