Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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