Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize