I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
