I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
