So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
