my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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