It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
