Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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