there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
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a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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