you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
