We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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