I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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