if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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