everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she peed on how many people?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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