I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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