Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
handjob tips. give me some.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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