hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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