Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
