Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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