there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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