Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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