the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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