Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
