Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
