Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
