The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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