Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
