I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
