Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
