Too much gin, very little bucket
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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