Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
