if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How external is "for external use only"?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
