In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
