I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
