I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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