My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
