Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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