im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she looked like the before picture.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
