The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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