totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize