literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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