they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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