Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
