Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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