Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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