no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
