we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Randomize
