You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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