sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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