you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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