I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i've created a new STD.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
