You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
