do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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