i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
