I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
