and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
