I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
