How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
