That reminds me...we need to get swords
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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