My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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