the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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