Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
